Time to think

Now that Justin is out of my life, I have time to think. I have more time to myself, so I can go back to scheduling things, instead of being with him 24/7 whenever I had free time. Of course, my schedule is dependent on my work schedule, but I have something to do three days out of the week (although bible study is every other week). Monday. is bible study, Tuesday is Ladies night, Saturday is game night. Sunday morning is Church (when we get around to it. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday are still open for suggestions though. If I could do something every day, I would be happy. Then, I could start building real friendships.

Independence

Being able to depend on just yourself is a beautiful thing. I hate needing other people. I hate it because they will always let you down. When you can do it all by yourself, you know that it will get done. There is no one to disappoint you. You can be proud of yourself, and feel strong. I have spent my whole life trying to be independent. Most people don't understand it. My parents least of all. I have tried to explain this to them, but they insist that I should be asking them for help. I admit, life would probably be easier if I got help for some things, but it seems to me that when I do end up asking for help, there are consequences that I am not prepared to face. I would rather take the consequences of NOT asking for help. Thank you very much.

Sex

I don't need to elaborate, but I will. One of my favorite things about Justin is that he is so easy to turn on, and he is very vocal about it. A simple touch can have him moaning. A kiss, will make his day. It makes me feel good that I found a man that I can pleasure. I thought all guys I dated were going to be difficult, but not this one. :D He gives me confidence, and makes me feel sexy. He tells me that he loves my body, and that I turn him on. For most, this information is quite personal. But for me,to hear that from a guy, is sweet.

A Good Friend

Sometimes, Walter is way too much for me to handle, but on days like this, he has really good advice. He makes me smile, and he makes me feel as though I can continue living without falling to pieces.

Kissing

I love kissing. When I was younger, I read "Chicken Soup For the Teenage Soul". In it was a page of things you should know....or something like that. It included silly things like, don't drink grape juice with a new white shirt on. It also included a line that said, "Kissing is the most fun thing. Dancing is almost as fun". It doesn't matter so much who is doing the kissing or why; its just really fun to kiss. When I was in high school and in my first years of college, I thought I would never get kissed or get a boyfriend. Now that I have experienced both things, I can't get enough. Kissing just makes me feel good. Sometimes it makes me feel more needy, and sometimes just one is good enough. It's like eating chips. Sometimes, one is good. Other times, you could eat the whole family size bag, and make yourself sick, but it isn't enough. Kissing someone with full, soft lips is amazing. They just melt into you. It's enough to make me want to give up chips forever.....almost ;)

New Love

Is a great thing. I have a new boyfriend that I am crazy about.We have only been going out for roughly a day/ two days, but we have established a relationship that looks as though we have been together for a few weeks at least. Good, bad, or neutral?  I can't say. The only thing I can say is that he makes me feel amazing about myself. I can also say that he has made me lose sleep, and I need tonight, and tomorrow to catch up, so we are not going to hang out for that time, but we will be back together this weekend, most likely.

Making New Friends

Last night, I went to game night again. That always serves to brighten my life up. After gaming at Whole Foods, I went with Paul to John S's house, and we played this new game with heroes and villains. It was the height of nerd-dome, but oh so fun. I felt a little bit bad, because I basically expected him to give me a ride home, and I didn't think about the fact that he had his daughters with him. Paul ended up giving me a ride home, but I just felt bad. I need a vehicle soon, so I can start being more self-sufficient. Anyway. I had a great time. I am still adjusting to getting home late, but I'll get there. Kohl's will certainly help LOL.

Hours

I went to work yesterday. YAY ME! I love going to work, even though I am frustrated right now, because I am new, and I am not catching on to things immediately. One of my supervisors made me page her over the intercom. That was so embarrassing! I enjoyed myself though. It was fun. Once I get more hours, and get used to the store, I will probably feel a lot less incompetent. In the meantime, I am enjoying dressing more grown up, getting paid every single week (even if I can't spend it on anything but bills), and being busy. Plus, once I pay off my bills, I will be enjoying some really nice discounts at the store with my credit card....speaking of credit cards, maybe I should go to Old Navy, just to keep my credit up. Of course, I would only spend a very small amount, which I would pay back immediately.According to an online source, I need to use all of my credit cards (two) at least once a year, to avoid having it be cut off due to inactivity. That would be bad for my credit, because it is based on the amount of credit available. For example, My Old Navy card gives me a potential grand a month (as if I would ever spend that much in a month!) and my Kohl's gives me five hundred at the moment. That is a total of fifteen hundred dollars of credit a month. If, however, I don't ever use my Old Navy card, it might get cut, so I would only have the available five hundred from my Kohl's card every month. From the perspective of the FICO people, that means that I went from being trusted with fifteen hundred dollars to only being trusted with five hundred dollars a month. If I just spend a few bucks a month on...say, socks, my card would be active, and I could be "trusted" with that full amount. Also, if I keep my card active, I get MORE credit. With Old Navy, I think I started out with three hundred available, then as I spent money, that number magically went up. I never asked for an increase, but I got one. I think that will happen with my Kohl's card and keep happening with my Old Navy card. If I trusted myself with a real credit card (I.E. a master card) I could buy virtually anything I wanted and keep my credit up that way. I want to wait until I am on my own for that, because then I could use it for  necessities instead of being tempted to go on a shopping spree for leisure items. It would then be easier to budget, because I would be spending the same amount, but just using different means.

I had no intention of writing a novel about credit cards, but I guess I just needed to get that out, so I could make room for other thoughts.

Feeling Up

The last few days have been difficult for me, because I missed game night, and therefore a very important socializing time for me. Thus I was feeling neglected and unwanted. Today, I am feeling better, because I went to a Stars and Rainbows event, and socialized there. I shall have to continue to socialize with them, when I can, so as to avoid feeling left out. Also, the ladies (and gentlemen) there are quite nice and fun to be around. It can be somewhat annoying to go, because everyone seems to be paired up (or old) and I seem to be the only confused, young, single woman there. Game night is still loads of fun. I think both of the Johns are trying to start up their own game nights, hopefully on non Saturdays, so that I have more to do during the week, while I am not busy. Of course, once work and school start getting more intense, I will have plenty to do, and will not be so bored and apt to depression. Then, in the Spring and Summer, events will start up again. Once that happens, I will have plenty to do, even if I don't have anyone to do them with.

Ramen

Ramen is crap food. I have known this for years. I still occasionally get a craving for it though. I can go months without eating it, then BAM! one day I just get a compulsion to buy a bunch of packs, and I am addicted all over again, but it doesn't last long. Once I run out, I feel sad for a moment, but I am soon thinking of other things. Right now, I have three packets of shrimp ramen burning a hole in my closet. See ya!

I'm alive

Isn't that good enough?

Halloween

is a great day to shake off the "I'm bored" blues. I spent the morning at work...(tee hee) and the evening with some new friends at the Old Mill. We wandered around judging all of the costumes, while the kids ran every which way to get candy from the stores. Then we went into an empty store to pet the reptiles. XD after that, I went home and was in charge of the candy bowl for the trick-or-treaters. It was pretty fun.At first, there were hardly any kids, but things gained momentum and I sat outside with Mosa and handed out the candy until about 2100 when I ran out. I saw so many great costumes. I saw everything from minions, to the mad hatter, to mine-craft and Darth Vader. I dressed up as Waldo, and had several people 'find' me. It was a great way to meet people. At one point, while I was walking around the Old Mill, someone shouted out, "I found Waldo!" So, of course, I did what I had to. I shouted back,"No you didn't!" and sprinted to the nearest store. :D I am so proud of myself.